dying isn't easy.
The body was designed to stay alive...
Thick skulls...
Strong hearts...
Keen senses.
Morning.
Morning. Mm.
And when the body starts to fail...
Medicine takes over.
Morning, kim, sean. How are you feeling?
Ready.
Today is the day.
How are you doing?
Okay.
Surgeons are arrogant enough to think...
There's no o we can't save.
Hey, you need a consult? Uh, kim allan.
She had stage iv large cell lung cancer.
I removed a second mass from her right lung
About two months ago, but her tests had showed that
The cancer had spread to her lymph nodes and to her liver.
She was readtted last week with pulmonary edema.
I drained as much fluid as i could,
But she is still having a tough time breathing.
That's too bad. You gonna have to intuba her? She doesn't want that.
You're gonna have to treat her palliatively.
I don't see what else we can do for her.
She wants us to help her die.
Like i said, dying isn't easy.
Since the state requires two physicians' signatures,
I've asked dr. Hunt toook over your chart.
Okay.
Her prognosis says that she has less than six months to live.
I have informed her of her treatment options.
She has met with a psychologist who has determined
That she is mentally fit.
And this can serve as her second oral request.
Okay.
You have to say it.
Washington state says i have to hear you ask two times
At least 15 days apart.
it's so weird. It's like i'm applying to die.
Well, if you're having second thoughts--
You saw how bad it got last night.
It's just gonna get worse.
I would like to end my life
Through physician-Assisted suicide.
Excuse me. Um...
I-I'm just gonna go see what up.
Dr. Altman.
How long does it take...
To die... once i take the barbiturates?
Can we not talk about this?
It's just, um...
We're not there yet.
We are there, sean.
we are.
Kim, to answer your question...
About 45 minutes.
It takes about 45 minutes to die.
Three dates, no sex. Just talking.
Do you have any idea how much you can learn about someone
If you remain upright?
Like i'll bet you didn't know teddy hates the word "moist."
Hates it. Would really prefer people say "damp."
You hear me?
I'm growing again. I'm, like, grown.
She's making cartilage from scratch.
She's a little preoccupied these days. It's super hot.
Aughs) i'm gonna be late.
Bye.
She doesn't want kids.
Arizona doesn't want kids-- In her womb, in her house, ever.
She told me. What did you say?
Nothing. I mean, we're doing so great.
I don't want to ruin it
By being the crazy, desperate girl with the aching womb. Better than being the crazy, childless woman
Who sits out at the playground watching the children pl.
They have laws for people like that.
You gotta tell her.
All rit, so in the third quarter,
The collection rate of medicaid was what percent again?
Hey. Would you excuse me one second?
You have 30 seconds.
Okay, so this woman comes in to the e.R. With abdominal pain.
She's had it off and on for about six months. Mm-Hmm.
And a lot of doctors have told her
It's either an ulcer or gastritis. All right, get to the point. You have 15 seconds.
Okay, so it occurs to me that the nausea is probably caused
By a positional shift-- C.S.F. Okay. Brain tumor. Got it.
Right, but not just any brain tumor.
I mean, she's got this huge, beautiful ependymoma.
So shadow shepherd-- Dr. Nelson.
Okay, shadow shepherd is going to do
An intraventricular resection... mm-Hmm.
And let me assist, and i may even get to debulk the tumor. That's it?
Okay. Sorry for the interruption.
So where were we? Percentage, third quarter of medicaid--
What was the rate of return?
how close?
Two minutes. It's nicole, right?
Three guys waiting on an ambulance?
Must be nicole behind the wheel. Have you seen her ass?
Man, i'd love to hit that.
Morning, chief.
Sorry about that, chief. I--
That's quite all right. And, um, i'm not the chief.
hey, nicole. Hey.
Nick kelsey, 32, injured skiing off a helicopter.
Vital signs are stable. It wasn't the helicoer that did it.
It was the avalanche. Idiotic either way.
He's got two idiot friends coming in behind him,
But he's got the worst of it--
Open fracture to the left tibia and left hip fracture.
What areou looking at, chachi?
(Woman speaking indistinctly over p.A.)
Whatappened? We were in the middle of a consult.
You're her doctor. You shouldn't be pushing her to do that.
I offered her options. I told her about hospice.
She doesn't want to die a slow death
Hooked up to machines
Or be so heavilyedated, she might as well be dead.
And i have to say, i don't blame her.
This is an act of mercy. Oh, "an act of mercy"? You are killing her.
Just so that you are clear,
By writing that prescrtion, you are killing that woman.
All right, then.
I'll find someone else.
Watch it. Watch it. Heads up!
You need to work on your passing game, hunt... oh, yeah?
You ball hog. Well, you need work on your game!
owen, on your four! Oh!
Go! Go! Go, go, go! not a chance, major!
Get it! Get it! Get it! okay, watch out, watch out, watch out!
go! Go! I got him. I got him. Whoo!
Whoo-Hoo-Hoo! Yeah...
Okay, break it up, break it up. Break it up, you two.
We're only down by 3. Oh, yeah, 'cause you suck.
insubordinate. Oh, sir,ou suck, sir.
I mean, dan. Come on, it's true. You play like my grandma. Whatever.
Get your battle rattle. It's time to go to work.
Owen, come on.
I need to reduce this ankle dislocation.
Give him 10 of morphine. I need to treat his frostbite.
Nick, you like the tips of your fingers? Yes, please.
You jumped out of a helicopter on skis? Yeah. You can't get powder like that anywhere else.
I'm seeing fluid around your kidney.
We're gonna need to do a c.T. Of your abdomen. Do what you gotta do.
Me and the guys are running with the bulls
In pamplona next year. Gotta be up on my feet.
Hey, phil!
Tell those doctors they need to fix you up
You're an active guy. With the bulls next year. Once a year anyhow. Better tn thing.
Once a year, we live like men. You almost died like men.
On my count. One, two... three.
big ass car bomb waxed half their unit.
They tried to evac,
But it turned into an insurgent firefight. G.S.W. To the abdomen.
Let's stabilize him till we get him to an o.R.
Get me some wet bandages and an occlusive dressing. All ouof those!
okay, uh, some wet towels and, uh...
That.
We'll close him with this.
Gekko, give me that roll of 2-Inch tape.
I need a laryngoscope, an e.T. Tube. I need to intubate.
Okay, finish this. yes, sir. I'm on it.
pupils fixed and dilated.
He's way past go. Who's next? over here, sir.
Colonel mooney, sir. Sandstorm's coming.
Command's ordered us to move back. You're kidding me. When?
Now, sir.
All right. People, secure your patients.
I almost have my guy stabilized. You'll ride with him on the medevac.
Take my amputation and the head trauma, too.
Hunt, we'll take your g.S.W. In the a.P.C.
Let's move. You want me to go?
No, i'm fine. You hate helicopters.
I know. I'm fine.
I'll see you back there.
See you back there.
shall we scan him first?
(Man speaking indistinctly over p.A.)
see what kind of damage we're dealing with
In case we need an o.R.?
He's got some abdominal bruising.
Yeah, yeah, okay. You--You take .
Uh, get him up to c.T. right away, doctor.
Hey, how come you didn't get hurt in the avalanche? Oh, i never got off the helicopter.
I was about toump when the avalanche started.
You missed it, tommy. It was friggin' awesome.
yeah, tommy, friggin' awesome!
Yeah, tommy. Friggin' awe.
Uh, dr. Altman said you requested
To lower your pain meds.
They make me fuzzy.
I don't want to be fuzzy today.
Did she tell you?
That you're going home? Yeah.
Oh, i changed my mind. What?
No, no, not about... i just...
I want to do it here... in the hospital.
I don't want sean to have to deal with my body afterwards.
Don't worry about that stuff.
We can make this place like home, you know?
Get rid of all these machines
And... get some of our stuff--
My quilt, some pictures... mm-Hmm.
Some wine.
Can we have wine?
I don't see why not.
If you need wine... i don't.
Then maybe you don't really want-- I don't need wine. I want the wine.
But i think you're gonna need it.
You seem scared.
Are you scared?
Stoporing about me. All these things are happening,
And i'm making all these choices,
And i have no idea how you're feeling.
I'm not feeling anything.
Sean, i'm talking about where i'm gonna die.
You have to be feeling something.
I'll go home and get the stuff, all right?
Sean.
Red or white?
red.
In a wine glass, not a plastic cup.
Okay.
It never changes.
You have the same fights.
I mean, even when you're dying, you have the same fits.
You want to know how they're feeling,
And they don't want to tell you.
sorry. I'm--
Don't be.
I think they don't know.
You know, when you ask them how they're feeling,
And they don't want to tell you,
And you think they're being difficult?
I think they really don't know.
Relax.
Deep bredeep breaths. Good.
(Woman speaking indistinctly over p.A.)
Where do you stand on physicians'-Assisted suicide?
Well, i'm not opposed to it. Good.
And as long as we're talking about the controversial stuff,
Let's get something straight--
Arena football is not real football.
Obviously-- Mark, mark, wait. This is not me getting to know you.
This is... i have a patient who's terminal.
She wants to die and she wants my help,
And i want yours.
See that?
The tur's pressing down
On the floor of the fourth ventricle,
Which is causing the nausea. So you debulk the tumor,
And then you move on to the stalk--
No. You debulk the tumor.
dr. Shepherd has requested these scans.
His schedule has freed up.
He's decided to do the resection himself.
Oh, no! Th's my-- I am debulking. It's my tumor.
It's dr. Shepherd's tumor now.
Dr. Hunt, can i help you?
Uh, no. No, no, i got it.
Oscar-4-Kilo, this is echo-5-Gulf.
Anything, sergeant? No, sir.
I think it's the storm. Yeah, well, they know we're coming, right?
All right.
Where are we going? Green zone, baby.
They'll stabilize you,
Then you are going to a hospital in germany.
And then you're gonna go home. Okay?
Teddy get there yet?
No word.
Don't worry. I'm sure your girl's just fine.
Stop it. I am serious. We're friends. yeah, keep telling yourself that.
hunt?!
You all right, hunt?!
I'm okay. You okay?
Yeah.
We must have hit an i.E.D.
How are the patients?
I don't know.
I gotta find 'em all.
everyone's gone. We lost gekko.
Dan?
Dan.
owen?
Owen?
What?
You paged.
When you did kim allan's evaluation,
Did you scope her? What? Wait. Is that her chart?
Dr. Altman's patient, who, according to this chart,
You ordered pulmonary function tests one week ago.
I'd like to know if, during that evaluation,
You did a bronchoscopy. Is there a problem?
Can you just answer the question? Why are you interrogatg me?
P.F.T.S can give you false positives,
And a patient may kill herself due to incorrect data. Well, it's routine, so we probably did--
Probably? Probably is good enough for?
Probably is good enough for dr. Altman?
What is going on? Are...
Owen.
did you call lani?
Um, you should call your wife.
She'll freak. Tommy, call when i go in. Downplay it.
It's a broken leg.
A little frostbite on your fingers, but nothing terrible.
You're about to... aah!
Um, scream really loud.
that was worse than when i broke my ankle on kilimanjaro.
You guys climbed kilimanjaro? Couple of years ago.
I made it to the summit while these guys got altitude sickness
Half a mile from the top. man. You guys are hard-Core.
We gotta be. I sell insurance.
Phil and tommy are accountants.
Ah! These trips are all we got to keep our blood moving.
Y, show 'em the picture of you on top of kili
With the rubber chicken.
That doesn't look like you on a mountain.
Oh, sorry. That's my daughter hannah.
Ladybug for halloween.
You telling me you don't want one of those?
You stole my surgery right out from under me.
It wasn't your surgery. It was nelson's surgery.
It's beyond nelson's skill level.
Right? I mean, that's what you said-- My diagnosis, my tumor, my debulking.
Can i scrub in at least? You're on nelson's service.
If i switch you, it's gonna look like favoritism. Dr. Nelson's been given an aneurysm--
You stop talking. meredith, calm down. People are starting to stare.
You stole my surgery.
He stole my surgery.
Everything okay?
Yeah, it's fine. Everything's, uh... fine.
Have you had lunch yet today? I'm headed down.
Oh, i can't eat in the cafeteria anymore.
The vultures won't leave me alone. Vultures?
People need things from me.
Seems like everybody has a pressing problem
That can't wait. Shepherd, you have a minute?
Mm-Hmm. See?
Ugh. My lunch is making me s,
And i haven't even started eating it yet.
say something. shut up.
I was gonna go for lasagna.
I don't know why i didn't pull the trigger. Say it.
Shut up. Say what?
nothing. Hello.
Okay, then.
If you don't say it,
You're gonna regret it for a long, long-- enough.
Okay, what is it with you two?
What is your problem?
Teddy, i-- You go to shepherd behind my back
About a patient you don't even know?
You have no idea what she's been dealing with,
The kind of pain that she's in-- Pain that's only gonna be worse
After i ram a tube down her throat
Because you're having some kind of problem
With her exercising her legal right to die.
So i want to know, what the hell is your problem?
You missed it.
Altman tore hunt a new one in the cafeteria.
Whole hospital's talking about it. Oh, not to me.
I walk in the room,
And all conversation grinds to a halt.
Well, come on.
You don't talk locker room talk in front of the coach.
I'm not a coach anymore.
I'm a player. I take a shower like everybody else.
Richard...
You're a little bit like everybody else.
But mostly, you're still a coach.
It's a sign of respect.
It would be wrong toake it any other way.
You know the drill--
We've put you in a twilight state,
Next we're gonna spray lidocaine on the back of your throat
And pass the scope-- I don't get it. She had this test last week.
Isis there a chance the results are wrong? It's very unlikely.
But it's possible?
You wouldn't put her thrgh this again for no reason.
You must think that there's a chance the tests were wrong.
There are questions being raised that have nothing to do with-- By who? Raised by who?
Sean-- Just talk to me, 'cause i'm standing here
Thinking that my wife's gonna die today,
And if that's not gonna happen, all right,
If there's a chance that she might get better-- your wife isn't gonna get better.
This test is unnecessary,
And the hospital's covering its ass.
thank you.
no problem.
Julie...
Can you find out if dr. Bailey's on her way?
Okay, doctor.
if i wasn't happily married,
I'd hit her.
I'd hit her ha.
Sir, i think what you wanted say
Was "hit that."
I don't thk you wanted to say that at all.
I hear shepherd took your surgery.
How'd you hear that?
Appantly you yell really loud.
Yeah, well, i have to hold a retractor for shadow shepherd
While derek debulks my tumor.
So, yes, i yell very loud.
Yeah, well, the key is to think of yourself
As one of the whos down in whoville.
What?
You know, when, um,
The grinch came down and stole all their presents...
They didn't lethat ruin christmas for them.
You know, instead, they came out on christmas morning
And they sang.
You're gonna go into that surgery,
And you're gonna sing.
Sing, cindy lou.
Sing.
Your scalp lac is small enough
That shooting in lidocaine would be more painful
Than just throwing in a couple of staples. Is this gonna hurt like my fingers? Because--
Not too much.
Aah! God! aah!
Aah! Sorry, sorry.
Aah!
Okay, that's it. I got it.
the hand aawas swelling so much,
It would've popped the finger right off.
what?
You're still trying to save the arm.
You gotta tourniquet it. If i do, then you will lose it.
it's not about the arm.
If i could just try to tie off that brachial artery--
Owen! It's not about the arm.
You're right. I know. I know. You're right.
Okay, dan, listen to me.
The back of this truck is trashed.
Most of the supplies, all the morphine--
There's no morphine. There's no lidocaine.
You bring whiskey?
Okay, we got it. We got it.
we got it. We got it. We got it.
No.
I don't think we do.
dr. Hunt.
Kim allan's bronchoscopy
Confirmed that nothing more could be done.
Sloan signed off.
He did his due diligence, but it's over.
I won't let you kill him.L him.
You're not gonna kill him.
Dr. Hunt... the patient in question is a woman.
No one's trying to kill her.
She's choosing to die.
You should go home.
I have a surgery.
You're done for the day. Go home.
Okay, okay.
Can you--
Can you hold this? I c--
Can you put pressure there? I don't think--
Okay, i'm gonna have to move you-- Oh, no, i can't. I can't. I'm too tired.
No, no, no. Dan, dan, wake up. Wake up.
I have to.
It's gonna hurt like hell,
But i have to find something to pack this wound
Till someone comes.
Someone's coming? Someone's coming?
Okay, you ready?
Here we go.
okay, here we go.
Here we go. Aah!
Oh, please, please!
Please!
please. Please. Please. Please.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Please just... don't. I'm sorry.
There we go. There we go.
Hypoermia-- Uh, that's the last one.
The last...
Stop that. Someone is coming.
Help is coming.
You been saying that for hours.
i'm coagulopathic.
I'm probably acidotic.
I'm in the triad of death.
No one is coming.
If i could just move you-- No! Look, hunt, i need you--
I need you to say a hail mary with me.
Dan...
I don't know it.
That's okay.
It's okay. Just say it with me.
Hail mary... hail mary...
Full of grace... full of grace...
The lord is with thee. The lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst women... blessed art thou amongst women...
Blessed is the fruit of thy womb, jesus. Blessed is the fruit of thy wb, jesus.
Holy mary, mother of god... holy mary, mother of god...
Pray for us sinners... pray for us sinners...
Now... now...
And at the hour of our death. And at the hour of our death.
Amen. Amen.
You make sure lisa gets my ring, all right?
Don't give up, dan.
Don't--Don't use it to propose to altman or something.
But you--You should propose to altman.
you know, you two, you should--You should...
Shut up, dan. I'm engaged to beth.
And you, you are gonna give that ring to lisa, okay?
come on. Come on.
What? No.
move your hand.
No.
That's an order, soldier.
No, sir.
They're working on nick's kidney.
Uh, i was able to stabilize his legs,
But it's gonna be a long recovery process.
You may need to let his wife know
It's a little bit more than a broken leg. Yeah, i told my wife, and she's calling lani.
My wife can handle her better.
so you-- You summited kili,
You run with the bulls,
But you're--You're scared of your friend's wife.
I was scared on kili.
I hated every minute of it.
So why do it?
Nick and phil. They're my boys.
And they love adventure.
Me? I got a kid...
And bad knees.
But i can't ruin it. We're a team, you know?
So you just suck it up, huh?
Close my eyes and hope i don't die.
I can't actually give you the drugs,
But you can have this prescription filled
In the hospital pharmacy.
Again, i want to emphasize, there are other options.
We can make you comfortable.
I just he e queson.
Owen, no-- What if they find a cure?
I know that it's a long shot, but isn't saving your life
Worth gambling on a long shot? Dr. Hunt, i will call security if you do not step--
Let--Let her answer. I'd like to hear the answer.
Maybe...
You have to be dying to understand.
But there's this thing that happens...
where death stops being scary.
What starts being scary is hope...
'Cause it's not true.
Even if they found a cure for cancer tomorrow...
It's too late for me.
and hanging on to hope,
It may make you feel better...
But it just makes me feel alone.
I don't want to die alone.
Okay?
I am not afraid of this.
Why are you?
Why are you so afraid to let me die?
Dr. Hunt.
The pharmacy wouldn't take my insurance card.
There was some problem.
So i had to go to a cash machine.
And, uh, i'm running around-- I'm trying to get enough cash
To buy the pills that are gonna kill my wife.
Anyway...
Here they are.
There'll be a moment...
When she dies, her face will relax and...
All that pain that she was in, it'll be gone.
And you will feel relief...
Relief for her, relief for you.
And you will know with absolute certainty...
That you did the right thing.
Just for a moment...
You gotta let me go, hunt. Okay?
You gotta let me go. Please. It hurts.
It hurts.
Oh, please. It's okay. It's okay.
It's okay. Look at me.
Okay, you gotta do it.
You gotta do it. I can't make you do it.
Okay? Oh, jeez, it hurts.
It hurts. It hurts. It'skay.
It's okay. It's okay.
Okay? You gotta do it.
it's okay.
You have to hold on to that moment,
Because all the rest of it...
Is just your own garbage.
you'll be in physical therapy
For six months,
But with luck, uh, you'll be ready for your trip next year.
Pamplona, baby!
Pamplona!
Pamplona.
Oh, come on.
He hates this stuff.
All right, the adrenaline,
The adventure--He-- He does this just for you guys,
Because you guys love it, and he l you.
And... that's my rant for the day. I'm sorry.
I like to see people keep their legs. Ignore me.
You know, i'm starting my own business.
That keeps my blood pumping.
I'm with tommy.
Sorry, nick.
I can't believe you guys.
I almost died jumping out of a damn helicopter...
When i really wanted to go wine tasting in napa.
Napa.
napa!
Ugh. It...
The place looks different.
Something's different.
Something i can help you with?
You were jealous of her today. I'm sorry?
Meredith. That's why you stole her surgery.
You miss the pace of back-To-Back surgeries,
The adrenaline.
Yeah, i do.
Schedule yourself one surgery a day--
In the morning, rly, an hour before anyone else--
So at the very least you start your day good.
You start your day cutting.
And you don't have to actually sign all the paperwork.
Patricia's an excellent forger.
And if you eat alone in the cafeteria,
You are a sitting duck.
So you need to eat with someone else.
That way people are more likely to leave you alone.
You can eat with me.
Thank you.
living is better than dying...
Until it's not.
I'm scared.
Come here.
But even if letting a person die
Is the right thing to do...
It's not what surgeons are built for.
We are arrogant and competitive.
I'm sorry.
I'm not mad.
I'm in whoville.
Whoville?
Whoville.
We don't like to lose...
Um...
This is really hard for me to say,
'Cause i really care about you, and--
Oh, my god. You're breaking up with me.
Mark? Is it--Is it mark? Are you sleeping with mark again?
'Cause are--Are you one of those fake lesbians,
Just having a va-Vacation in lesbian land and-- Stop.
God, it's not bad.
This thing i have to tell you isn't bad.
Um... i just...
I want to have a baby...
At some point in my life.
That's all.
I really...
I have to have a baby.
And death...
Feels like a loss...
Even when we know it's not.
(Knock on door
We know it's time.
We know it's right. Hey there.
Hey.
Come in.
I helped my patient die today.
You want to talk about it?
No.
We know we did everything we could.
it's okay.
Ok? You gotta do it.
I can't make you do it.
You--You gotta do it.
Okay?
What are you...
Oh.
I... i couldn't sleep.
Are you okay?
But it's hard to shake the feeling that...
We could've done more.
yeah. Yeah, i'm fine.
Go back to bed.
Owen...
Wh-What are you thinking?
Nothing.
Go back to bed.